Troubled teen joins local cat-pack, leaving loved ones distraught

OXFORD, OH—Longtime acquaintances confirmed to reporters this week that local teenager, Chris Moore, an easily tempered and emotionally sensitive 16-year-old, has joined the Brown Road cat gang, otherwise known as the Hissing Whiskers.

Claiming that the hormonal delinquent used to be a fun-loving, outgoing young adult with several meaningful relationships with kids his age, a stunned and extremely distraught mother is unable to understand Moore’s motives.

“He’s recently become so withdrawn and stoic, even around the family,” explained Claire Moore. “It’s like he doesn’t care about anything. He just spends all his time with his new feline friends. And I’m at my wits end about what to do. He’s going to get himself killed in a gang like that! The Hissing Whiskers don’t mess around.”

Known for their mad aggression, and trailer park smarts village-wide; the Hissing Whiskers is one of Oxford’s most notorious cat packs.

Headquartered in the densely wooded area adjacent to the Oxford Post Office, the pack spends a majority of its time begging for scraps, avoiding animal control, and fighting the nearby opossum gang away from their strictly designated territory.

Sources at the post office have reported that Moore, who recently tattooed The Hissing Whiskers’ insignia of three black lines across each of his checks, had been seen loitering in the parking lot at night crouched on all four legs and covered in dirt.

According to Moore’s mother, the distressed teen has been returning home in the morning stinking of catnip and demanding heavy whipping cream instead of milk with his breakfast cereal.

“He’s out of control,” said an exacerbated and frizzled William Moore, younger Moore’s father. “At first we all thought he was doing the community a favor by playing with those wild creatures, you know, domesticating them a bit. It’s clear now that wasn’t the case.”

Speculations as to why a cat gang like The Hissing Whiskers would allow young and tenacious Moore a spot in their feline posse remains unknown, but Moore’s father has his suspicions.

“They’re using him. Plain and simple,” suggested Moore’s father. “The whole town knows that The Hissing Whiskers have been getting their asses handed to them by the recent wave of renegade raccoons. Those mangy pussies are taking advantage of my sweet son’s size and stature.”

“He’s their muscle and he’s going to end up getting hurt. Heaven forbid he gets himself rabies and dies.”

Moore acknowledged the risks as a newly selected member of the cat pack, and has reportedly been training in anticipation for weeks now.

“I’m ready for anything,” said a grungy looking Moore. “If I end up getting rabies, I’ll wear it like a battle scar. My brothers and sisters would do the same.”

With a recent surge in raccoon sightings in the area, Moore will play a significant role in any future gang fights that the Hissing Whiskers incite.

At press time, no other member of the Hissing Whiskers were available for comment. When approached by reporters a majority of the pack scampered back into their woody hovels, while a few remained only to hiss at any question asked.