Petty vandalism disappoints university officers once again

OXFORD—University of Miami police officers were displeased to find another poorly attempted act of vandalism on the side of a residential hall on campus early Monday morning.
A call was sent through to dispatch around 4 in the morning of a man wearing a Patagonia hoodie and Sperry’s walking around the building suspiciously.
According to Miami University officer, Stanley Bailey, the suspect was probably deciding the best place to put his eyesore of a masterpiece.
“This is the third time in two weeks that this has happened,” reported Bailey. “And the culprit is not getting any better. His graffiti is terrible.”
Though the motive is still unclear, sergeant Darfey suggested that it’s more than just petty vandalism.
“Whoever is doing this is doing it with little to no effort on purpose,” said Darfey. “We’re just sick of having to deal with vandalism of such poor quality.”
According to Darfey, vandalism on other campuses, such as Ohio State University or Dayton University, are much more highbrow and worthy of criminal charges.
“This is a joke,” exclaimed Darfey. “What is that even supposed to be? An eight ball? The moon? Whoever did this needs to take some art classes. That should be the punishment here.”
As the investigation continued throughout the morning, many other officers, as well as bypassing Miami students, looked onto the crime scene with confusion as to what the poorly scribbled doodle may mean.
“There’s no depth at all and the line perspective is all over the place,” critiqued Miami student, Sam Toodley after seeing the graffiti.
Speculation as to who has been defacing the walls of Miami resident halls continues but officer Bailey hopes the criminal is caught soon.
“We can’t allow such poorly skilled criminals to practice their artwork on our walls,” explained Bailey. “Miami has an image to uphold. This type of vandalism would be acceptable in Hamilton, but Miami deserves something better.”