Is “smuggling” the next big thing?

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OXFORD, OH—There’s a new criminal in town and he isn’t looking for gas stations to rob or people to mug, he’s looking for cats to smuggle. And he’s bringing a few friends along to help him in his illicit deed.

That’s right, Miami University student, Andy Martin, 21, smuggles cats. And he wants you to do it too.

Sources claim that Martin uploaded his public service announcement onto YouTube one early morning back in December and the views poured in immediately, reaching 5 views well before noon.

With total number of views reaching a whooping 11 by the end of the week, Martin knew this was going to be big.

“I just wanted to get cats off the streets. I didn’t have any idea my video would cause a nationwide phenomenon,” laughed Martin. “But I’m flattered so many people have joined the cause.”

And join they did. Martin’s PSA reached 22 views by March and by then there was nothing stopping it.

The video quickly reached 23 views and Martin’s term for capturing and illegally harboring stray animals, “smuggling,” was officially added to the Oxford Dictionary in early April.

And now, college students everywhere are “smuggling” cats, dogs, and animals of all sorts into apartments and dormitory’s that don’t allow pets.

Kassie Hollon, a proud Smuggler who’s been smuggling cats long before Martin’s PSA surprised the world, and who only just recently found an apartment with a housing contract that permitted her cute kitty, Lucile, happily talked to reporters about America’s biggest problem.

“There’s so many stray cats out there and every single one of them deserves a home,” explained Hollon. “And if every person just adopts one cat the problem’s solved.”

Being a heavy advocate of the cause, Hollon continued, “It doesn’t matter if a housing agreement says no to pets. Smuggling is exactly what Andy says it is: ‘worth the risk.’ A pet is a friend for life.”

Unfortunately for most of these kind-intentioned Smugglers, their lifelong friendship doesn’t last very long.

Reports of people harboring animals illegally have skyrocketed across the nation, and a large majority of the criminals are university-enrolled students.

“There’s nothing college kids love more than cats,” admitted Resident Advisor at Miami University, Matthew Cramer. But Cramer is quick to add that this doesn’t mean any resident should help in sheltering strays.

“Getting caught with an animal in your dorm would result in immediate disciplinary action,” said Cramer. “And it wouldn’t be hard to figure out is who is smuggling.”

According to Cramer, the chance of keeping anything on the “down low” in a resident hall is small. “The second everyone knows you have a pet, you won’t, because we’ll hear about it too.”

On top of disciplinary charges, some Smugglers are getting charged with heavy fines for breaking their housing contracts.

“The first time you’re caught it’s a $200 fine,” said Jordan Morrow, Community Assistant at Oxford’s Hawks Landing apartments. “After that it’s a $500 fine and then eviction from the apartment complex.”

With large punishments as consequence, Martin still urges the issue.

“How an owner takes care of his pet is his business and housing contracts shouldn’t be preventing anyone from experiencing what it’s like to love a living creature,” Martin adamantly preached. “Smugglers are doing good work all over the nation. We’re heroes.”

At press time, Martin’s PSA had amassed a total of 32 views and counting. Smugglers, smuggle on.