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The Stages of Studying
Finals are approaching. The countdown has begun.
While everyone scrambles to get all the shit they’ve shirked off until now together, I present to you my stages of studying.
Stage one. Denial. A final exam is tomorrow? No biggie. It’s only noon. The fact that I’m even thinking about beginning to study this early should get me some sort of medal.
But I better open my computer and figure out what I need to cram into my tiny brain…but wait…now that my computer is open I might as well check Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Buzzfeed, Imgur, Reddit, StumbleUpon, and watch that YouTube video my roommate was talking about…
Fun times!
Hours pass by unnoticed; unseen like the sneaky little drunkard at a party who manages to take 15 shots without anyone noticing. And like that poor, foolish drunk, my mistake soon becomes clear.
Stage two. Confusion. Okay guys, back to work! Lets see what exactly is required for the exam.
Hmmmm…seems like a bit of work. What is that word? Am I supposed to know what this professor is talking about? I didn’t read that…or that…or that. Is that supposed to be something important? Fuuuuuuuck… I need to get down to business.
30 minutes of moderately successful work is down. Papers are collected, books are opened and skimmed, the trajectory of how I’m going to prepare for this exam is beginning to come together.
Oh wait…
Amanda wants to know when I’m coming over to start drinking…John wants to know when we’re getting together to start pregaming for Amanda’s party…Lauren wants to get dinner…Jordan wants to know where I am (because being at the library studying is a very uncharacteristic activity for me)…and mom wants me to call her about summer internships…Argh. Technology you have seduced me once again, you sexy stud muffin.
Stage three. Disgust. Studying is gross. And I don’t like it one bit.
Stage four. Boredom. I know I haven’t been working hard but the fact that I’m in this predicament is exhausting enough.
Stage five. Distraction. Have I been in this abhorred library for days? My butt has rooted itself to my chair like a tree desperately reaching out for sustenance. But I can’t stand it anymore. Time to wander…
Stage six. Fear. Negative thoughts abound in this stage. Simple, quick thoughts bent on destroying my confidence begin to invade the soft, squishy interiors of my easily unmotivated brain.
I haven’t done anything. I don’t know this stuff!! This is miserable. I’m tired. God, I’m going to fail. I have to pee…
Stage seven. Depression. The sad thoughts are overwhelming. I’d much rather be looking at cats on the internet… or pugs… or sloths (they’re so in right now).
Stage eight. Panic. I NEED TO LEARN ALL OF THIS!!!!! I NEED TO STUDY THIS AND LEARN IT AND BECOME IT.
I submit my will to you, Miami. Do with it what you must.
Stage nine. Complacency. The library has emptied except for me and a few stragglers. After hours of hard work I’ve learned a few things. I can’t do anything more.
Don’t care.
No fucks.
Over it.
YOLO.
Good luck with exams everyone!!! Don’t forget to take breaks and give your brain a breather.
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